amy

sunday morning my father went into the er, he has been borderline diabetic and has had high blood pressure for a number of years and I don’t know he just fell off the wagon hard and just decided to hell with it and started eating everything in sight, well he ended up having a stroke possibly two, almost went into a diabetic coma his blood sugar skyrocketed over 500, his blood pressure shot up, he’s only 52! damn it! I just feel so stupid that I didn’t try harder to help him. He’s lost alot of control of his left side so he’s going to have to go to therapy and the doctor said that he will get most of it back but not all of it. I don’t know how long he is going to be in the hospital, I just hope and pray that the worst is over and things will get better, I am just soo scared and haven’t been able to stop crying for very long and sleep very well, I just hate uncertainty it drives me crazy! I just feel like I am stuck in this nightmare and can’t get out! I guess that’s what I get for being so niave and that my parents are invincible, I mean I have always tried to help them with there nutrtition, you know like buying sugar free things and trying to make a healthy side for holidays or at cookouts, but I guess you can only do so much huh? it’s just he’s so young, and my grandfather had a stroke last year and recovered so well that you wouldn’t know that he had one by looking at him, but my dad his son had it worse it’s just weird but then again my dad the stubborn bull headed man that he is was having issues sat night and didn’t tell anyone and sun morning decides to go to work, and thank god someone had the sense enough to know that something serious was going on and rushed him to the er. well I don’t really know how to end this, I think this has helped me a little getting my feelings out.

I feel like a broken record, I know how to lose the weight I mean I know what to do I just keep falling off the wagon and not only that but whatever weight I do lose, I just can’t keep it off!! Instead I end up gaining extra weight! I hate this I feel like I am never going to break the cycle! sorry for being so negative I’m just soo frustrated.

last night was hard, I just wanted to keep eating and eating but instead I went to bed and watched some tv, jeff suggested we just try again tomorrow (as in today) and I was already comfortable and didn’t feel like getting up so my weak moment was thwarted and this morning I made an awesome healthy breakfast, in fact the whole day I have been really good, which is surprising to me because I would normally have said to myself well jeff had his little break last night so I get mine today, but I didn’t. That is just so awesome to me!!! Jeff has been really good too I wasn’t trying to say that he wasn’t. 

well after yet another hiatis I am back on the healthy train hopefully this time will really stick. I am the only one to make it stick though, but like I always say as long as I keep trying I will get there. I am confident that small changes will have a big impact. this won’t be that long of a blog I don’t really have much to say other than what I just said lol anyway I will no longer be just a ghost on here either.  hope you all have a good day!

that I have a lot issues relating to my weight as I am sure most people do. through out my life well since I was 10 I have been on and off diets. Never felt comfortable in my skin, absolutely obsessed with a number, constantly relying on other people to tell me what I can and can’t eat, and the thing is HELLO I am 27years old it’s time to take responsibility of my own actions, and with the help of my husband of course, I am not going to weigh myself until I feel comfortable, because that was truly dictating my life, and jeff said it is more important the way I feel rather than what I weigh, and he’s totally right and why couldn’t I see that before? and that is what I am going to focus on and I am no longer going to feel guilty or afraid that I am gonna get yelled at if I end up having a break day or whatever you want to call it, because I am the only one that can yell at me or make me feel guilty anymore and what good is that going to do?! Just feeling better about myself and looking better for myself is what is important, and Jeff doesn’t care he loves me for the way I am, and wants me to be happy, (in which I have to say that I am soo very lucky to have him!! ) if this sounds selfish sorry not meant to be, just meant to be a realization.

it’s been forever since I have been on, and I am starting to notice a pattern every time I go back to my old eating habits I stop coming on here, I basically stop holding myself accountable and that is not good! I don’t know why we completely fell off the wagon of healthy eating, maybe it’s because we have never tried this in the winter, or maybe it’s because around the holidays there is soo much more pressure to eat so much crap! Or maybe I am just making excuses but seriously I am having a hard time transitioning salads to soups or cold to hot, if anyone has any hot healthy snack, breakfast, lunch and dinner recipes or ideas I would really love to hear them and I would appreciate it! Well I am going to make a solid effort to back on this like jeff said we can’t just throw all of our work away just for some treats! talk to you all later bye!

ok, so there’s no denying it or getting away from it the holidays are coming upon us fast, which makes me think of all the wonerful (but not so good for the waistline) food. Well I have been a little bummed when I think about thanksgiving because my favorite pie is worst pie for you pecan, but this last weekend I found a silver lining which I am so happy for, I bought the latest issue of weight watchers magazine the holiday issue, and I have to say I love this mag becuase it has great tips and awesome recipes, I am not on the weight watchers diet but the mag still helps a great deal. Well they have a low cal, low fat version of pecan pie! I can’t wait to try it out, I hope it as just as good as regular pecan pie, of course I am going to test it out before thanksgiving, just to make sure it’s good, and they also have some holiday treats that low cal and low fat which makes feel good about abking during the holidays! So I think this holiday season will be a really great one and hopefully with these recipes we will be able to keep at least most of the holiday pounds away!!

I can’t believe it! It feels so great to get a green star, this time I am going to make my mini-goal in no time! This is just so awesome I just keep getting ever closer to my ultimate goal weight. This Christmas is gonna be soo great I will be so much healthier and smaller in size I will actually feel good about dressing up again. I feel my confidence coming back with every pound I lose too. I just can’t believe how much we have been sticking to this change, and we are just gonna keep going! well I hope everyone has a great weekend!

today jeff and I went to wendy’s for lunch and of course we went with the better choices, well being ther got me to thinking as all these people were overloading there plates with big burgers and fries, I realized I haven’t had fries in at least 2 months or longer and to me not only is it a huge accomplishment but I don’t even miss them! I am sure there countless other things that I have gone with out since I started my weight loss journey but I used to LOVE fries I couldn’t get enough. But like I keep telling jeff you end up finding new favorites that you never thought you would ever love, like red leaf lettuce I LOVE it can’t get enough of it! well anyway just something I thought I would share with you guys. What have you gone with out in over 2 months that you used to LOVE? have a great night.

when jeff and I went grocery shopping we really stocked up, and whats even better about it is that we really didn’t spend a ton of money, of course we went to 4 grocery stores but hey if it helps our wallet then it’s worth it. Anyway we went to aldi (discount grocery store) and we got these rice cakes and they are so good. I am very proud of us for getting better at looking at labels and getting healthier food from the store. It’s really like becoming second nature to us it’s awesome! I am starting to have new favorites too like kashi’s dark chocolate oatmeal cookies they are only 130 cals. per cookie with all natural ingredients and they are quite big (at least I think.) anyway I hope everyone is having a great day!